Is it religion

And what should we all hope for? Shorter finger nails to play our stringed instruments with? Free speech? Tolerance? Hair that doesn’t grow? More alcohol? Limitless inhibitions? The right to have faith without fear? The list goes on.

Should I start with faith? A society where no matter what you believe in is acceptable? Not really. There have to be boundaries even for a free thinker like me, we cannot have a totally free society. I mean Paedophilia is totally unacceptable! Other things are not. Religion is for instance something that is very personal and even if you believe in the same principles as me, I bet we believe in different things.

Religion! Something that I get confused about. Why on earth would you want to die for what you believe in? Why would you kill for it? I’m happy in who I am without religion. I see religion as a negative in who we are, not a positive in life itself. Why do different religions have to fight with each other? Hell, what do I know!

OK, Free love? Again I’m not entirely sure that is acceptable but you might. I am not of the original hippy generation but old enough to be closer to it than some other generations. My music choice is definitely from that era but I’m not sure I’m one of them. I like to think I’m from a free thinking generation but I doubt I’m quite that tolerant. I’ve enjoyed liberating drugs, I love alcohol and the feeling it gives me, but I’m not free like some others of my generation. I like to know where I belong in society even if it is on the fringes.

Alcohol is my freedom! Tobacco is my lifeline. I don’t need other drugs that might enhance my life, even if they are less life threatening than those I already enjoy. I’m happy to accept the consequences of my choices.

So? where do I sit in the mire? I’m just a free thinker that enjoys what I have. I’ve tried suicide but that didn’t work for me. I’ve tried religion but I got lost in the throng of faiths. I belong where I am and nowhere else I guess

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Changes

English: Various common fermentation vessels f...

English: Various common fermentation vessels for homebrewing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As with us all, things change, life changes, our hobbies come and go yet some things stay constant. I have not hit the keys in menace for quite a while yet the desire still remains. My interests have changed a little yet I still love watching films, reading books and listening to music. I seem to have no creative writing in me yet still I have the desire to share something.

One interest that I have resurrected in the last few months is home brewing beer and wine. I recently barrelled my fourth barrel of homebrew beer and I have a barrel (40 UK pints) of cider. I brew these from kits readily available from a local store and so far the only way I deviate from the instructions is that I use dextrose rather than white sugar.

I have been overjoyed with the results I have achieved so far and it is something that I am to gain more experience in as time goes by.

I am also attempting homebrew wine, the sort where I go and gather hedgerow fruits, then ferment into wine. This is a long process often taking over a year to complete. I hope the rewards are worth it. Only time will tell.

No Sleep Tonight!

English: Smoking kills. Written on cigarette b...

Image via Wikipedia

Another night that I can’t get off to sleep!
Thoughts running around my head, decisions taken today affect how I’ll behave tomorrow and the foreseeable future.
I made the right decisions for me!

Selfish!

I still feel crap about having made those decisions though.
Smoke another cigarette, drink another cup of tea.
My daughter sleeps soundly on, I can hear her gentle murmurings as she sleeps even from where I sit, the night is so quiet. She thinks I’m a fool but accepts my choices, my decisions, my life.
Ash falls from my cigarette as I wonder what words will appear next in my head, the piece of paper I visualise as I write.

It seemed that I had gained all I ever wanted, then I asked all I had gained to leave my life!
It felt right………………it still feels right.
I know it will feel right after I’ve slept.
If I sleep at all tonight.

I was so tired this afternoon that I eventually went to bed around 4pm and slept soundly for two solid hours. Another reason I don’t sleep now I expect.
Why was I that tired?
I had done nothing more than I usually do today. I slept well the night before!

I really don’t think my mental illness had any bearing on today’s choices.
Another cigarette, another mug of tea.
The words aren’t spinning in my head as they were when I lay in the dark, attempting to let rest find me.

When I head back to my bed, I know this thought process will keep me awake. I know that putting my mind back in gear, finding words to match my thoughts will activate my whole body to accept that tonight will be restless,

“no peace for the wicked”!

I don’t feel wicked but guilt is sliding over me. Guilt that I wasn’t what I wanted to be.
Seconds pass, minutes creep by, hours not noticeable but lived none the less.

The continuing Saga of Trevor Towers

I’m still getting used to my steamer but it is getting plenty of use and I’m getting plenty of practice cooking with it. Tonight has been the first evening in a week that it hasn’t been used! I am still procrastinating about using my pie tins though, they are washed and waiting their first outing which I would like to think won’t be too far away.

On more decorative matters, I am considering decorating the living room/dining room cum study here at Trevor Towers. The room where just about everything gets done, things like eating, couching in front of the TV and as now, typing furiously away with words running through my head much faster and far more accurately spelled than my two fingers could possibly ever cope with.

I was in a local shop today and they are nearing the end of their sale and oddly have garden ornaments going for a song. Anyway, they have some outdoor candle holders that are basically bottles with the bottom cut off and candle holders in the original bottoms place. They are mounted through the open end at the top by a chain connected to a tubular affair within the bottle. I know my description is rather crappy, see images to get a much better idea of how they look.

So, I purchase these two candle holders, some hooks and as soon as I am home I set the hooks in my ceiling and hang these two rather attractive bottles from said hooks. I know that they are made to be outdoors but they now provide a rather intimate light over my sofa as I relax in front of the TV. I can even dispense with my floor uplighter when I feel the need to have a more intimate evening with my TV 🙂

The other week I also bought a couple of coloured bottles from the same store, again a real bargain. They now hold some silk flowers that help give a bit of colour to the room.

Who would have thought that I would ever be this imaginative when it comes to the little things around Trevor Towers!

Change!

WordPressSome things to note:
a) I have been attempting to find a new appearance for my blog without much success. This is becoming increasingly annoying to me but one day I may settle on something I’m happy with. In the meantime, please forgive the constant appearance changes.
b) I am considering moving to my own domain! I hate the advertising placed here if you are not logged in to WordPress, yet I love what WordPress has to offer. If their hosting fees were a little more competitive I would pay to have the advertising removed, a little thing I know but one that has increasingly annoyed me over time.
c) I do have two accounts at the Google Blogger, although they are much more controllable, for me they don’t offer the same things but that might also be an option given more time and thought.

To find the peace of mind I desire,
would be so easy to accomplish.
Yet the little things annoy beyond
all comparison to life’s real troubles.
Controlling what I can offers small reward,
when considered alongside that I cannot.
Trivial things keep me awake at night
whilst the bigger picture is beyond my grasp.
Taking comfort where I can,
satisfies even this meagre penman.
To pay up or move on is the consideration,
to lose my friends is no consideration at all!

©2012 Trevor Litchfield

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