Update

The urge to create is still one I seem to have lost but the urge to write has returned for the today at least! So for anyone that is interested here’s a quick catch-up on what has been going on in Trevor Towers these last few months. This isn’t a timeline or a confessional, I’m writing this simply because I need to, if you enjoy reading it then we’re all happy.

To start with, I’m still struggling with depression! I seem to be on a long and winding road that always comes back to where I found myself during the summer. My mind seems to let the real me come through a little more often recently but it only takes one tiny spark of a thought and I’m back staring into the abyss.

I have finally found work after nearly three years of unemployment. Although initially a temporary position for just six weeks back in early September, they extended it to Christmas soon after and I’m really hopeful that I will get offered a long term contract come Christmas.

Getting this job has been almost a life saver for me. Mentally it has given my mind a break from the ever darker thoughts that were invading and it has given me something active to do, which has helped my high blood pressure no end. I had become very lazy at home all day every day and along with depression, I had reached the stage where I wasn’t going out for days at a time. Not healthy!

It has also brought some fantastic people into my life! I have been able to share my experience with depression with a couple of them as we seemed to have discovered each other and our shared illness quite quickly after I started work. Then there are the happy people, they bring light into my days that I had forgotten had existed but most of all, and something that has surprised me as we have only really known each other a short time, a couple of them have become close friends.

Although the money is very welcome, the people are the ones I cherish and crave the most. I have found I can laugh once more. I have also found an honesty within myself that hasn’t been there for sometime, whether it’s because I finally have other things to occupy my mind, or it is simply being around other, new and exciting people, I don’t care. All I know is it has been excellent medicine for me and I really hope I can continue to take it for some time to come yet.

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The Café

In response to Indigo Spiders The Last Sunday Picture Press

Visual Prompt 2 -- Frittes by Danny Dutch

Visual Prompt 2 -- Frittes by Danny Dutch

“Just look at all that metal” thought the old man as he sat waiting for his meal. He sat and thought most of the time now that his beloved wife had departed this world two years ago this week. He came to the same café, sat at the same table, ordered the same meal, the same coffee, everything was the same as yesterday and the day before. Nothing changed apart from the thoughts in his head, though just lately even they had been on only two or three topics,

He could remember a time when traffic on this road was a rare event, maybe once or twice a week a car would travel up the street. Horse and cart being the main transport back then. Now it was clogged with cars, buses and lorries from early morning to late evening.

He had come in this café the day of the funeral. He had been on his own at the funeral apart from a couple of nurses who had attended his wife in the final weeks. When it was all over he had walked into this café and ordered a meal, this was her wake and he attended it on his own. They had had friends in their early days but as those friends had kids and growing families, he and his wife had slowly been ostracised for not having the normal family, in the end it had been just the two of them. They walked together, they talked about everything under the sun, they read the same books and lived in total harmony, without the need for outside entertainment or friends to live their lives.

Ever since they had been married they had come to this café every Sunday to have a cooked breakfast. He loved being able to treat her to this one day off from looking after the house and the gardens she was so proud of. After breakfast they would walk the mile or so to the river, sometimes walking alongside the river, sometimes getting on the river boat that went down stream on a day trip. Sundays were special to both of them, a time to get away from the work that had to be done. Time to talk about everything other than housework, the plants or his work as a solicitor.

So now he sat here at this table every day, waiting for his meal and coffee. Other regulars to the café would nod or smile at him. Staff would ask him how he was and go through the motions of giving him the menu yet they all knew what he wanted. In return he would politely look at the menu without reading it then place his order.

It was the same meal he had had on the day of the funeral, roast beef with all the trimmings and black coffee. He cannot even remember why he had ordered it on that day. He didn’t really enjoy beef or black coffee but he had become accustomed to it these last two years and felt that it would be wrong to change his order now. Some days he actually did look at the menu, there were several fish dishes that he really liked the look of but he always ordered the beef. One day perhaps he would change his order and surprise them all, but not today.

He looked out of the window once again, watching all humanity pass by. This area had once been a small town on the outskirts of the city, now it felt like it was the heart of the city. High office blocks blotted out the sun, vehicles of all sorts filled the air with their fumes and people rushed everywhere never taking a moment to look at the monstrosity the small town had become a part of. He could not even walk the river banks anymore! Smart flats and offices had been built on the open fields that were once the playground of youth. The land now being classed as private property where once footpaths had led for miles alongside the river. The riverboat had gone never to be replaced so now he never went down to the river, it had become just another trading artery within the big city. There was little pleasure left by the river now.

He ate his meal, not really enjoying it, tipping the waitress his usual ten percent and left the café. Even though a café had stood on this piece of ground all his life it had changed beyond recognition from the first Sunday he and his wife had entered for Sunday breakfast. Then it was just a small, single story building housing the café and not much else. Now it was a tall office block with shops either side of the café which itself was a new building and not the small beautiful little café he once knew. It was still owned and run by the same family though, nowadays it was the grandchildren that ran it but he felt he knew them all and was happy to bring his custom to them after all this time.

Standing on the footpath, he looked down the street towards where the river had once run freely, sighed and then turned to walk the other way, back home to tend the beautiful gardens his wife had worked so hard on all her life.

©2011 Trevor Litchfield

27 Club

27 Club – Wikipedia.

I find this coincidence quite morbid, the loss of such talented people at such a young age.
They live on forever in their music. May their souls party on.

Janis Joplin

Janis Joplin (January 19, 1943 – October 4, 1970)

Self destruction seems a part of life,
the desire to flee this one chance on earth.
We all have talents hidden within us,
discovering our talents is the key.
Yet discovery is not enough for some,
they feel there is more in another place.
We cannot pretend to understand
the thought process of the gifted.
Sadly there are some that leave us early,
gifting us with their legacy to enjoy.
Moribund is the author sitting here,
attempting to understand the why.

©2011 Trevor Litchfield

Their candles burned so bright,
their light extinguished to soon.
We now live in their shadow,
attempting to relight the flame.

I think Sir Elton John might be the the inspiration for this last piece, a misquote from his song “Candle In The Wind

Waiting

The appointed time had arrived,
I stood waiting.
Would I recognise you from the photo,
people passed by.
There you were, walking towards me,
not recognising me.
My photo must either be very bad,
or not representative.

Holding my breath, I walk towards you,
saying your name as I close in.
You look to me, smiling, grateful to see me,
you were not stood up.
We talk hurriedly, where should we go?
A café around the corner.
Our chatter slows down, we scrutinise,
giving each other a once over.

We walk towards the café, talking nothings,
are you as nervous as me?
We enter, find a table and get served our coffees,
we look at each other.
The talking starts, we talk and talk,
like long lost friends.
Our hour passes all to quickly,
I want more.

We leave the café agreeing to contact,
swapping numbers.
Now here I sit, do I call you so soon?
It was only this morning.
I want to talk and talk like we did today,
already I miss you.
I email you, now I await your reply,
waiting!

©2011 Trevor Litchfield

Lonely People

Lonely People

People sitting alone on the bus,
in the park, in the cinema, at home.
They wait for a life to arrive,
alone with no one to think of them.
Why are so many people alone,
when they could be sharing their life?

Some are alone through choice,
healing from a relationship breakdown.
Some are ready to start anew,
looking for that perfect someone.
Some are waiting for that first love,
with all the excitement that entails
Some are simply alone,
living a life, not prepared to share.

Others are where they are
through no choice of their own.
A partner passed away
through illness, accident, age.
Left behind to pick up the pieces
of two lives tragically become one.

You see these faces every day,
some searching faces for a sign.
You see a yearning in their eyes,
a yearning that perhaps, they see the one
We all do it, looking into lonely eyes,
searching for a smile in return.
We are alone in our bodies, always.
We have the desire to share the worldly.

We may have been hurt,
abandoned by our previous love.
We all have it within us to love,
or love again if necessary.
To share your life is such a gift,
bringing hope and laughter as you share.

So be brave when eyes are searching yours,
smile back with your best smile.
Eyes glinting in the sunlight
may bring something more than love.
Respect, friendship, companionship
are just as important, if not more.
The next time I see your eyes,
I will smile, hoping you smile back.

©2011 Trevor Litchfield

One Shot Wednesday Week 50

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